5-Word 365 #358 – Arthur Christmas

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree. I really should avoid trying to write these while Modern Family is on TV in front of me, since Sofia Vergara’s cleavage in 42inch HD is a mighty distracting distraction.

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5-Word 365 #321 – Alpha And Omega

Sometimes I am really concerned about the level of intelligence that the makers of films for children assume of their audience.

Alpha and Omega

From Easy Rider to this?

Two wolves from a pack living in Jasper National Park, Canada are captured and taken to Idaho to repopulate a park there. Kate is an alpha, destined to become the leader of the Jasper pack, while Humphrey is an omega. Think princess and stable-boy. Anyway, Kate and Humphrey decide to make their way back to Jasper to rejoin their pack and halt a brewing invasion from a rival pack. Will they fall in love on the way? Does anyone care? Did this really have to be Dennis Hopper’s last movie?

I don’t enjoy being mean about the films I watch. Okay, sometimes I do, but occasionally I feel like I’m shooting fish in a barrel. Tranquilised fish, in a really shallow and well-stocked barrel. With a rocket launcher.

This is not a good film. The animation is of a standard that would disappoint me in a Saturday morning cartoon. The story is trite and predictable with nothing new to say about class struggles or forbidden love. The actors – including Hayden Panettiere as Kate and Justin Long as Humphrey – don’t seem to be enjoying themselves, with the possible exception of Larry Miller as a French-Canadian, golf-playing goose named Marcel (yes, really). Danny Glover and Dennis Hopper both just sound bored as the rival pack leaders, Winston and Tony.

Setting aside for a moment that he can manipulate his feathers to grasp a golf club, Marcel also has a caddy. Named Paddy. That’s what we’re dealing with here.

If you have any five-year-olds at a loose end, then they might find something to keep them entertained here, but I wouldn’t recommend it for much else.

5-Word 365 #244 – Gnomeo and Juliet

Day 244. That means that it is once again Arbitrary Landmark Day! I am now precisely two thirds of the way through the year. With eight months gone, I only have to wait four more and then I can get some sleep. But in the mean time, join me as we explore a world rarely seen on the big screen. The world of garden gnomes singing Elton John songs…

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5-Word 365 #237 – Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths

And with that, the weekend rolls around again. Not just any weekend, oh no siree, this is the August Bank Holiday weekend. Also known as four days off work. As well as watching today’s kids’ film, I have spent most of the day joining my roommate while she watches Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time. We’re currently approaching the end of season 3 (no spoilers please) and all I have to say is this: weren’t the nineties awesome? But you’re not here for that. You want to know what I thought about this…

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5-Word At EIFF 2012 – Brave

This was the first full-up press screening I’ve been at this year, and it’s really no surprise. Frankly I’m amazed I even made it, considering the hangover I woke up with after my four hours’ sleep last night. But that’s a story for another day. Today happens to be Friday, and it’s a kids’ film.

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