Andy Finally Watches… Harry Potter II

Andy returns! And for some reason, he decided to open with a joke…

Juan and Pepe have been stranded in the desert for days without food or water and are desperate, when in the distance, they see a tree on fire, with bacon lining the branches. Juan sets off for it drooling but when he gets near to it, he has to run away as guns are fired and the bullets narrowly miss him. Pepe shouts to him and says “eh Juan run away, that ain’t no bacon tree, that’s a h-ambush!”

Apologies for that. And here it is, part 2 of my (surely soon to be considered epic) eight-part review of the Harry Potter films. A response to Mr 5-Word firstly though, in my last review when I said everyone knows about Harry Potter, you said that you didn’t know that much about it. However, you knew enough about Harry Potter to make the decision not to watch it, ergo, you know about Harry Potter, which is a checkmate and I win, ya cow! [Actually, all I know about Harry Potter is things I have picked up from other people after I decided not to watch the flicks or read the books. So na-na-na-na-na] Now, as punishment, you must watch and review the Twilight films. Watch the first four Monday to Thursday next week then you can go with all the Twi-hards to watch the final one when its out next Friday. Sounds like a plan eh?!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I Want A Flying Car

Harry’s magicalness has resulted in him getting a proper room rather than the wee under the stairs number he had before, however, a mishap with a cake, controlled by Dobby the elf, who comes to warn HP to stay away from Hogwarts, results in him once again being kept prisoner, and gets bars put on the window, and breathe! Luckily, in the world of magic, people know stuff, and soon Ron and his bros  come to break him out, in a flying car!! We see said car soon after, as the gateway to Platform 9¾ closes on Harry and Ron, and they pinch the car to fly to Hogwarts. As they settle into their 2nd year at school, some strange goings on start happening. Turns out there is a big Chamber that’s meant to be a secret, which can only be opened by the heir of Slytherin, and a big, scary, killing monster is released and is petrifying people, and a cat. Its up to our trio, remember Hermione is there too, to solve the puzzle, defeat the monster, and close the chamber. Can they do it? Who is the heir? And do you think I should grow a moustache?

The second installment sees Harry, again, going on something of a personal journey. From learning more about his connection to Voldemort, that’s right I said it!!!, to the point where he questions his own integrity. Quite deep stuff for a twelve year old. At 12 I was probably still playing Power Rangers with my pals. I was the red one. Has anyone ever noticed how the Power Rangers always got their hinds whupped till they turned into that big robot? Why did they not just turn up like that? [Drama, dear boy. Drama]

That plant in the back of the car looks oddly familiar… You know, if that kid was just stoned all the time, it would explain so much.

As with the first film (and the subsequent six) the visuals are stunning. I mentioned the sheer detail within the Harry Potter world previously, so to see it come to life without losing any of the wonder of it all, mesmerises me. Kudos to the visual people, and I don’t mean opticians. Although, they do a fine job looking after my peepers. The music by the second film is already instantly recognisable, and just adds to the magicness of it all. I know I’m making up words but if JK can do it then so can I!

Chamber of Secrets has the scariest moment of all the Harry Potter films without a doubt. Not sure whether the Captain is required here. While visiting Hagrid in his hut, Harry and Ron have to quickly take shelter under Harry’s cloak of Invisibility. Hagrid, who is being taken away for questioning about the chambers opening, states loud enough for the hidden wizards to (Andy shivers) ‘follow the spiders!’ Now under no circumstance, would that ever be an instruction I would follow. Even if Mrs Andy’s life was on the line and all I had to do was follow a spider…….. then I’m sorry my dear but we had a good run. Harry and Ron however, decide to do this, into a place called the Forbidden Forest. Sounds like a great idea eh?! After a while, with spiders a plenty at their feet (Andy shivers again), they come face to face with A GIANT HAIRY TALKING ******* SPIDER!! (Andy faints).

In his first audition for Thunderpants, Rupert found himself accidentally following through.

Now I won’t sleep tonight. Will just need to watch it so I faint again and get some form of shut eye. Everything does seem a bit bigger in the wizarding world (quiet Mrs Andy!) from spiders (shiver and a tear) to snakes, whoops! And despite all this, I am still holding out hope that Harry Potter is based on true events!

If my review seems a bit vague, or rambly even for me, then tough because I’m not well! So to cheer myself up, I’m going to surf the net to find some wings for my car!

Till next time, Muggles

Andy

Go ahead, punk. Make my day.

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