5-Word 365 #193 – The Bounty Hunter

It is that time again, folks. Tonight is another live commentary review, purely because I need some sleep. It’s probably a good thing too, since I doubt I would be able to write enough about this flick to fill a standard review anyway.

The Bounty Hunter

This is some painfully bad photoshop

Something crass about Jennifer Aniston

Ex-cop turned bounty hunter Milo Boyd is assigned a new bail-jumper to bring in: his own ex-wife Nicole. As the two get sucked into a criminal conspiracy, they discover that their feelings for each other aren’t quite as dead and buried as they thought. That’s basically everything that happens.

00:01:00 Shot to the nuts. Now that’s how you start a movie.

00:02:23 Another shot to the nuts. Is this going to be a theme?

00:02:45 Gerry, Gerry, Gerry. You can’t do an American accent. Stop trying. Casting directors of Hollywood: please let him just talk normally from now on.

00:04:10 Jennifer Aniston walks through her office in a tight skirt and heels, while every man turns to stare at her butt. Including me.

00:09:00 That’s some really subtle product placement there, with the coke bottle constantly facing the camera like that.

00:11:10 More ads! Dunkin Donuts this time, and for absolutely no reason.

00:13:50 I figured it out. This movie is just Midnight Run, if Jack and Mardukas had been fucking each other.

00:14:40 JERRY REED SONG! She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft is playing on the soundtrack while a man is breaking into his ex-wife’s house and sabotaging the place. I miss Jerry Reed.

00:16:00 That woman looks even better now than she ever did in Friends. Brad Pitt is an idiot. There, I said it.

00:20:00 Twenty minutes in and I still haven’t really laughed yet. For a supposed romantic action comedy, this does not bode well.

00:26:50 Let’s try a thought experiment, shall we? A woman is leaving, say, a racetrack in broad daylight and going towards a taxi rank. A man steps in front of her and points a gun at each driver in turn threatening to shoot whoever lets her into their cab. He then picks her up over his shoulder and throws her in the boot of his car while she loudly protests. Of the several dozen people watching this, none of them make even a token gesture of intervention. Realism is not this flick’s strong point.

00:31:30 Another shot to the nuts! This was a repeat of the first one, so it doesn’t really count I suppose. Even so, it’s an unsettling trend.

00:39:20 Honestly, I’m having second thoughts about the comedy part of the movie. And the action. And the romance, unfortunately. What does that leave? Jennifer Aniston handcuffed to a bed. Umm…

00:45:00 Another Dunkin Donuts box. This is just shameless.

00:55:00 Car chase and a shootout. Well there’s the action part. A bit too little too late though, really.

This is not from the car chase scene, I swear.

01:09:00 Now it’s time to put the somewhat tenuous investigation plot on hold for a romantic getaway back at the hotel where our heroes spent their honeymoon. This movie just cannot decide what it is. What’s the main story here? Is it the romance or the crime? It’s all over the place.

01:30:00 Alright, things are starting to come together now. The bookie’s pair of incompetent enforcers are by far the most fun characters in the flick though. They should have their own movie.

01:40:00 I don’t think that ending could have been wrapped up any quicker. Time for the end credits, and I still haven’t laughed yet.

Final verdict: Disappointing. Butler and Aniston have an easy chemistry together, and the two enforcers were fun, but other than that there isn’t really anything to recommend this. It’s not romantic, it’s not funny and the action is sporadic and badly staged. The story feels out of date, as if it was written in the late eighties or early nineties as a Midnight Run knock-off. This is just a let-down in so many small ways that all add up. Sarah Thorp’s script is short on both comedy and likeable characters, while Andy Tennant’s direction is flat and the pacing is all over the place. It is a failure, and quite a mean-spirited one at times. But at least it’s not than The Ugly Truth.