Ever since I started doing Kid’s Film Fridays, Andy from the office has been pestering me to watch Baby’s Day Out. Some of you may know Andy from his review of Mamma Mia a couple of months back. I have been reluctant to subject myself to this flick over the years for two specific but not unrelated reasons. Firstly, the trailer made the movie look terrible. Secondly, it is the only film that my sister has ever walked out of at the cinema, and that was after she fell asleep during the show. So you can understand my trepidation when I pressed “play” tonight…
Andy, you’re a bad man.
A baby, known as Bink, is kidnapped from his mansion home by three idiots disguised as a photographer and his assistants. After the kidnapper watching him back at their hideout falls asleep, Bink escapes through an open window and goes on the run (or on the crawl at least) through Chicago, with the increasingly desperate kidnappers in hot pursuit AND NOT A SINGLE PERSON NOTICING A FUCKING BABY ON THE LOOSE IN CHICAGO! With Bink getting the better of them at every turn, will the kidnappers be able to corral him long enough to collect the ransom? Or will the little guy make it back home safe under his own steam? Do you even care? I sure as hell don’t.
Suspension of disbelief. That is what it’s called when the audience can buy into a story and accept what they see on the screen. No matter how fantastical or surreal a film is, talented filmmakers can usually reach the point of suspension of disbelief and bring you along into their movie. On this evidence, Patrick Read Johnson is not a talented filmmaker. Worse than that though: on this evidence, John Hughes was a no-talent hack who ripped off a bunch of old cartoons and Three Stooges skits and jammed them all into a 98-minute humour black hole. The man behind some of the best comedies of the eighties “wrote” this garbage. The fact that this film even exists just depresses me.
I can’t even summon the will to write any more about this. Baby’s Day Out has shat all over enough of my day already. So instead, I will leave you with a special treat: a video review from the good people at Red Letter Media.
Stay away from this film. Life’s too short.