I suppose it had to happen eventually; I found one I didn’t like. And it’s a shame it had to be this one, because I really do like the guys who made it.
Cheech and Chong’s The Corsican Brothers
Please make the pain stop.
Let’s get this out of the way first: I love Up in Smoke. I saw that and Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie for the first time on video during my brief flirtation with higher education. I don’t remember much in the way of details, probably because I was up in smoke myself at the time, but I have nothing but warm feelings when I think about those flicks. Even more recently, the presence of either of these guys is normally a fairly good sign that I will enjoy something. I think Tommy Chong and Danny Masterson together was one of the best things about the later seasons of That 70s Show, and Cheech’s Chet Pussy in From Dusk Till Dawn is a riot. But then, in 1984, Cheech and Chong got together and made a period adventure movie. And it is awful.
In this tale, Cheech and Chong play twin brothers of a French nobleman who got separated as children. Chong stayed in France and Cheech wandered off to Mexico where he became a farmhand before returning to his homeland as an adult. In that time, Chong has become a leader in the burgeoning Revolutionary movement. Because they’re twins though, they feel each other’s pain. They don’t share pain; they actually feel each other’s. So if you punch Chong in the head, Cheech will cry out but Chong won’t even notice. This leads to one of the more ludicrous fight scenes I have ever witnessed; the brothers attacking themselves to hurt the other (including the singular moment of Cheech stabbing himself in the nuts). Watching this for the first time today, I couldn’t help but think this was a first-draft Carry On script that Tommy got a hold of then took all the jokes out, turned Sid into a Mexican and bumped up the sweary count, as opposed to an adaptation of the Alexandre Dumas novel. It is truly a wretched experience. And don’t let the trailer fool you: Carol Kane is not in this movie. I might have been a bit more sympathetic if she had.
If you are one of the lucky masses who have never had the misfortune to sit through this, do all you can to keep it that way. Trust me.